i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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