its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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