i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
