the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
