How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
