Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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