Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
