I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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