bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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