Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
This is my gift to your gina
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
