so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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