winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
