Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
