he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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