I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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