shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
