why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
