hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
