Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
