apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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