I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize