The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
