operation harelip BJ is a go
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
It's rum buckets o'clock
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
