no, he came in my armpit
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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