His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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