pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
