It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
