Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.