i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week