I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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