she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
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