He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
