We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
