we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
