i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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