Pants 0. Shit 1.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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