Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
