Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
