i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I've blown a few things in my day
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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