all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
