saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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