listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
