I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
