corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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