Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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