I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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