Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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