I'd wear matching sweaters with you
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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