My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
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I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
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showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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