Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
