Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
