I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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