you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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