i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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