he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Houston, we have a blender
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
