once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
