Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
