508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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