I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
