Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
