I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
