the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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