Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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