I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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