I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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