I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
