just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize