we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
