Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
