Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
