She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
