I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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