Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
