my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
