Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
