she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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