I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
