When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
