No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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