I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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