Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I puked a lego.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
