3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
