so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
