HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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