I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
